Tag Archives: Daniel Tosh

Drink Up with Daniel – Tosh.0

(crowd cheering) (screaming) Oh my God! (screaming) Oh my God. (screaming) Oh! Mike, go! Mike, go! How you guys doing? Good. I wanted to let you know one of our regulars would like to buy you a round of tequila shock shots. Outstanding. Hey don’t get too excited. First thing I’m gonna need you to do is sign these release forms. Yep. There you go. All right bottoms up. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that’s not how the tequila shock shot works. I need everyone to put on an electric dog collar. Red for the lady. -Seriously? – I will electrocute the (bleep) out of you while you take the shot. When you finish begin barking. Once everyone is barking I will stop shocking you. Bottoms up. All right, all right. That was great. Oh, he wants to buy you another round. – Yeah thank you. – Thank you. They’ll really be shocked to know my dog Roofie’d all of them. You might be unaware that I have my own drink.

A lot of celebrities do. There’s the Arnold Palmer, the Shirley Temple, the Eliza Dushku, yeah. And now, the Toshtini. What’s a Toshtini? I’ll tell you. It’s when you open an expensive bottle of water and immediately pour half of it straight down the drain. Now fill the bottle up with tap water and gently shake. Serve it at room temperature and garnish with a twist of limon, the active ingredient in Sprite. Now go to a bar and order a Toshtini tonight and please enjoy responsibly. I am… Shut up dad. Oh yeah folks. He drinks gravy, deal with it, dad. You got anything else you want to say to the fans? More gravy. Delicious. Ah. With tits like those, who needs a job? Bowl of gravy. Ah yeah folks, a bowl of gravy.

A nice bowl of gravy. Bowl of gravy. Until next time folks. Bye-bye. Bye-bye buddy. Keep on living every day like it’s Thanksgiving. All right so that’s an actually glass of your urine. Very fresh. Very fresh. Looks pretty dark. Looks a little dark. Is it warm? Can I feel how warm it is? Mm-hmm. Ah, it’s a nice temperature. It’s perfect. And you just drink your pee? Finally milk, let’s talk about it. Did you know the milk you’ve been drinking is disgusting and impure? The folks at whitepowermilk.com think so. They go beyond pasteurization to racial purification. They have a room filled with Arian women who do nothing but gargle milk, spit it into bottles and send it to you, the racist insane consumer. Well I did some digging. Turns out that company is out of business or maybe fake.

But I’m not crying over it, instead I picked up the torch and started purifying milk myself. Thanks. Thanks a lot man. Thank you. .